posted by [identity profile] at 10:17am on 26/05/2016
*hugs* I am totally amazed you did 44 miles, I think it's great to be proud of that even if you didn't finish.

It sounds like, if you knew then what you knew now, you probably *could* have finished. But also, if you'd had 15 miles to go, in the dark alone on a difficult to follow trail, and been at serious risk of running the wrong way completely off the course and hopefully-not-but-possibly getting into trouble, you would have felt exactly the same way. So just saying, "I don't know if it's sensible to continue, so I'll push through regardless", can also go wrong. (Is there any restriction on using your phone before you've officially quit? Would a useful option to bear in mind be, phone Alex and say, "I'm not sure if I'm ok to go on or not, do you think I can?")

And as I know at much, much, much, smaller scales, you know you will fail to achieve what you might have done *sometimes*, you need to prevent that being a disaster for your confidence.

Everything else sounds amazing, well done
Edited Date: 2016-05-26 10:18 am (UTC)
posted by [identity profile] at 11:03am on 26/05/2016
Yes, I think I was doing that a bit by phoning Alex, he'd been very 'you can do this!' at the base, so I guess at least a smidge of me was thinking he'd do the 'well, I can pick you up, but you're doing great, pull yourself together girl!' As far as I can tell there were very few restrictions on anything (you could have dogs, run the course backwards, store the route on your watch so your watch told you which way to go, run the entire course in your own time before the race so you were less likely to getlost), so long as you actually walk/run/lurch the route - I did think at one point 'maybe I should phone Cathy for a chat to cheer myself up' and I don't _think_ that would have been cheating (although I didn't do it)

I think it's like bridge - at the start I hated bidding contracts that went off, and then M gave me the insight that if I made every single contract I was woefully underbidding and actually playing Wrong. So if you only ever do things that work perfectly you'll never find out what you can do...
posted by [identity profile] at 11:05am on 26/05/2016
[Whether or not it's True, at the point when I quit my brain was very 'You _can_ finish this, do you want to, it's going to be Grim, and Cold, and there's a 1% chance you'll break yourself for the whole summer'. Which was interesting - I've always been curious about when you reach the 'I physically can't go on' stage, and I didn't get to that. Maybe everyone reaches a mental 'I don't want to go on' stage first?]
posted by [identity profile] at 11:41am on 26/05/2016
I don't. I get to 'I can't actually walk, I'm just going to shuffle' long before I get to 'so I should sit down, or phone for help'.

It's a trait I very much admire in other people, though.
posted by [identity profile] at 06:02pm on 26/05/2016
Most of the reason for my injury history is that my physical "can't go on" stage is actually before my mental one, so I have a habit of continuing after I really shouldn't...
posted by [identity profile] at 08:47am on 28/05/2016
I've had both - mentally actually it would be stupid to go on stopping and physically utterly broken and unable to continue stopping whilst mentally very much wanting to, but in very different situations. The latter has been post cycling into town, hashing. And mid cycling home type of times. Getting home is what every bit of me wants to do, but body literally can't move any more and grinding to a shivering halt and puddling on the ground is particularly miserable. I've taken to carrying emergency food so when I get to this point I can refuel and drag myself home. It is very miserable though. I think it was worst when in denial about being ill. I'm more prone to mentally not wanting to start things now, like physical landscaping work that has put me in that state, or going into town by bike when low. Once I've got over the fight to start I tend to push through and finish as there isn't another choice, but there will be tears when struggling and weakness. But that's not the same as doing laps of a race. I think I'd definitely quit if I was in that state for no particular reason as it would be foolish not to.
posted by [identity profile] at 08:51am on 28/05/2016
Oh and I should add a concurrance with the above, carrying on stupidly pushing myself absolutely to my physical limits had resulted in long term injury and poor physical health. It's a very silly thing to do! Mentally I don't always realise or notice in advance as the push till can't go on thing is quite strong. I'm getting better at stopping though. It's hard to quit before dead without feeling lazy, however stupid that is.


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